BAD BOYS - WATCHA GONNA DO?  by KC
Aug 05 When I am not in the ring, I teach. So anyhow, in summer school today, a 10th grader of mine that the kids affectionately call "Piggy" from William Golding's Lord Of The Flies, dropped off a bag in my room. See, in our school, you can't have bags - but he said he "had something important in there" and "didn't want it stolen from the lobby" where they usually leave them.

So, against my better judgment, I let him leave it.

An hour or so later, Piggy comes back to my class second period and digs into his bag. A kid makes a joke that its all PORN in there and he is selling it. Piggy freezes in his tracks and stops on a dime like DJ Kool clearing his throat. Then all the other kids acuse him of selling porn to kids in another class. He tries to pull out a Maxim to make himself look innocent, but I clearly peep a video entitled something like BACK DOOR TO CHINA scattered with skin picks that would make anyone's mom REALLY pissed.

Too much info - I had to report -or else word would get out that I allow my students to sell porn in school, right? NICE.

So I look in the hall and flag down the principal, meantime, the kids are attacking the MARTY bag 'o porn. I preface the principal in the hall and he shakes his head and enters...

He says, "Okay, where is the bag?"

"What bag?" the corpulant student replies, pushing nervously on his spectacles.

We look around and low and behold, the bag has disappeared. Now I look like a big zipperhead. I think to myself "where the hell did he put it?" -and start poking my nose under desks to no avail. In fear of looking totally insane, I make a last stitch effort to save face and look outside; there is, out on the grass.

The principal shakes his head and all the kids laugh at the pudgy, Drew Carey mini-stunt-double starts to sweat bullets.

"So, you mean to tell me, if I go outside and look in that bag, I will not find subjective material?"

"Yep. It's only Maxim magazines," Piggy says.

The principal walks outside and my whole class, including myself, line the windows for a peek.

With his back to us and Piggy by his side, the principal slowly pulls open the bag's zipper and stops.

"JESUS!!!"

Piggy is my first student to date to be suspended from summer school.